Think Big...a life history

When I was in 5th grade, I was nominated to run for 6th grade class president. I wasn't ambitious, yea I was quite shy, to be honest. My best friend Paul Klages, he went by J.P. at the time (John Paul), was much more excited about the venture than I was, he being a visionary, a dreamer; I was just a daydreamer. J.P. served as my faithful and motivated campaign manager. As a computer whiz, which was something back in 1990, he printed off a great campaign flyer, in color no less. I still have a copy of those flyers somewhere. But the slogan J.P. chose for my campaign was "Think Big." I think it was quite clever. Not only did it call my fellow classmates to higher aspirations, it reflected on something quite obvious about me--I was "big-boned" as my mother would always say. [Read More]

I had always been "big-boned," for as long as I can remember. I was almost always one of the bigger kids in school. I was never the fattest, but that isn't saying much. It wasn't like I was inactive. I started playing both soccer and baseball around age 5. I kept up with soccer until the 6th grade, when I had knee surgery to remove an osteochondroma, a commonly found benign bone tumor. I stuck with baseball through high school. I played pickup football and basketball with friends and at church, and I became a pretty adept swimmer, serving as a lifeguard two years after graduating from high school. As a young man, then, you can see that exercise was not a problem for me. Food, however, that's a different story.

I come from a family of big eaters, especially on my dad's side of the family. Pappa, my dad's dad, was on the hefty side as long as I can remember, my aunts and uncles too, my cousins, and my Dad. We were/are some big people. How much of that is genetics and how much of that is modeled behavior, it's hard to tell, but genetic predisposition seems to be a huge factor. Still, we love food. And not the healthy kind.

My mother didn't like to cook. She knew how, but it wasn't her favorite pastime. Perhaps that was because of my father's rigorous work schedule, or the picky-ness of her children, or that she didn't think she could do it well, I don't know. I'm really not trying to criticize her cooking (so mom, if you ever read this, don't take it personally), but influences matter. My mom tried to limit what types of food we ate. She bought light everything, used margarine instead of butter, a tried to keep vegetables and salad in our diets. But we also had snacks galore. Ice cream was never far away, and my dad wasn't the best example of a healthy eater. I took after him. What made matters worse was that the older we got, the more involved we were in activities, the more we took to fast food. McDonald's once a week used to sell their hamburgers and cheeseburgers for a quarter or 35 cents. My mom would load the freezer and we'd have cheap and quick meals for a week. In my formative years, you see, bad habits were being born. Even with my physical activities, I gained weight every year because I loved food and I was becoming addicted to the wrong types of food.

As an adult, I went through cycles of weight gain and loss. I could always easily lose weight, since I loved to play sports and knew my way around the weight room.  I took up racquetball and cycling, but my eating was still out of control (except in periods of dieting, where I went the low carb, high protein route). I was able to keep up an active lifestyle until 2005, when my son was born (2nd child) and I took my first full-time job. I was finishing up my grad degrees and getting ready for the PhD. However, as soon as I took the full-time position, I embraced a sedentary life. Since being married (9 years and counting) I have eaten more healthily overall. My wife is a great cook and knows how to prepare healthy foods. But with the business of life, fast food and eating out appeal to us way too much. Something has got to give. It doesn't help that I love food.

When it is all said and done, I love food. I actually think I'm addicted to it. I worship food and thus I have reduced myself to a rabid over-consumer of perishable things. I have lost the ability and desire to deny myself.  I lack self-control, and act more like an animal than a human being. Being fat doesn't make me less than a person, but my own slavery to my desires dehumanizes me. I am a victim of my own reductionism.

This is not how it is supposed to be! So, for now, I don't want to think big any more. I don't want to pass on this vicious cycle to my children and I want to be whole.

I was created in God's image to reflect His glory in all creation. I recognize that my current state is a consequence of the Fall, whereby we all fell with our forebearers Adam and Eve, as she came to be called, into sinful rebellion against God. God had given them a garden full of fruit bearing plants for food, after the fall, they had to toil the earth and later learned to kill animals for food. In sinful rebellion, we created a world system that favored ease of toil, fat over lean, and what we could devise over what God has provided. Satan is active in this rebellious system furthering pushing us away from God. I have capitulated to this human/satanic alliance against God and I repent of my love for food, my love for that which is not God. I cast away my idols, foremost my stomach, my lust for food. I trust in my redeemer, Jesus, who died for these sins, who associated with gluttons and drunkards so that they (we) might be healed. In His resurrection, I am free. Lord, restore me to what I was created to be! Fill me with Your Spirit so that I may no longer carry out the desires of my flesh and that I may exude self-control. Control me so that I may control myself. May this blog be a beginning of something new. May it be a sign, a symbol, to me of my need to be free!